Short documentary-style clip on recent American 'Cuddle Party' phenomenon - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76Mf9LhRW7w
and from cuddleparty.com-
"In a society that is increasingly touch-phobic, many of us aren't getting our Recommended Daily Allowance of welcomed touch. For many people, the only options for getting their touch needs met, consist of paying for a massage, having a drunken hookup or getting a pat-down from airport security. Cuddle Parties seek to change that in a way that's conscious, healthy and nutritious. "
Let's consider this in the context of a '‘normalisation of the experience of abuse’ (Frank Furedi) - are the more insecure amongst us really living in fear of paedophiles, elderly abuse, domestic violence and the general risks associated with trusting other human beings?
If we are in need of a purging of this misanthropic, risk-conscious outlook then is pretending to be a cow and rubbing up against some strangers to the ting ting ting of the "sexual emergency bell" actually going to achieve anything? Or is cuddle party shying away from what is actually a political problem and wrapping it up in the warm embrace of a stranger? Is it cynical to think that the concept of sharing physical affection with strangers can only be artifical and vacuous?
Also - not mentioned in either of the sources above is that it costs around £20 a session - if touch is what you are after, is paying for relationship advisors to supervise a cuddle party any different from paying for a massage?
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Our society is in a state of utter confusion over whether touching is acceptable. Female initiated touching appears less likely to give offence than male initiated. As a man who often assists women, as well as men, in a professional capacity, it is often evident that a gesture of comfort would not go amiss. However, as I have also assisted numerous men accused of sexual harassment, I am cautious and will shake hands even where the client is clearly angling for a hug or a peck on the cheek. There are still many men out there from a different generation who are touchy feely types and many women who are quite comfortable with that, while others would perceive this as sexual harassment. A Professor who touched a student on the shoulders at an outdoor party, saying Oh my dear aren't you cold, faced a complaint of sexual harassment. Though he was acquitted, the experience for both the Professor and the student was extremely distressing. In my view BOTH were victims of our complete uncertainty about what is socially acceptable. I see the long term resolution as being the development of a culture of personal robustness, in which children and where necessary adults are educated and given the skills to assert their own needs and feelings, to directly express to others what is wanted and unwanted, rather than to experience others as bullies, harassers and themselves as victims. None of this is to deny that aggressive harassment does occur. But it would be good to get to a situation where men need not go about inhibited about cuddling a woman or child, in case of misunderstanding and where a physical gesture of kindness or affection can again be given freely. Give it twenty or so years and we may get there.
We have a concept of personal space, in the UK it's approximately your arm fully extended around you. If you watch two people interacting, watch for where this personal space is infringed, such as on the underground, in a club, etc. We can become very angry, and feel intruded upon when we lose this area of 'personal property'.
I mentioned that this was a UK limit, body language experts have studied this, and other places have different limits. In Italy it is slightly closer, and in other cultures it is slightly larger. (There is also some variations due to socio-economic status, location, etc.) If you get two people with different concepts of personal space together into the room you can witness the slow pinning of one party against the wall, as they negotiate their space requirements, and the one who needs more space steps backwards.
There are a couple of exceptions to personal space, we let friends and family come closer as we gain familiarity and intimacy with them. Often letting them touch us.
These mixed signals of how close we are to the other individual are very personal, and your feelings to one person are often different to their feelings towards you (especially where there is a hierarchy). This means that inevitably we will encroach on another's personal space. Some people will shrug this off, but there are times when it causes serious upset, such as the perception of sexual harassment.
In our litigious society, where the fear of being sued, or shamed by our colleagues/friends, it only takes one of these 'misunderstandings' for us to realise that in many situations we will shy away from contact in favour of 'playing it safe'.
Many psychologists have noted that humans are a social species, and when you study our close relatives in the animal kingdom, they use touch as a form of communication and bonding.
Now shying away from touch, many people crave this comfort. We can gain it back by having an intimate relationship with a mate, but in our ever busier society, many people fail to find what they are looking for. Thus they may turn to alternative methods of gaining togetherness.
Where there is a market, people will capitalise upon it and try to make a quick buck (an emerging market theory I think.) Even if it is artificial and vacuous, much of modern society is similar. We will pay for something artificial in lieu of nothing at all.
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